DEAR 2015

Dear 2015,
Well, you have certainly been different. That's for sure.
But am I ready to turn my back on you yet?
Honestly.. I don't know if I am. I mean you've been an absolute up and down year for sure - and the biggest change of all, but I suppose in a way, I'm clinging on to you. I feel like I don't want to let you go for fear of not being as 'strong' in 2016. I know that may sound a little silly, a little wimpy even but I feel quite content with you. I kind of like that I almost feel in a bubble in a way. A shit bubble at that sometimes, but a new bubble I've created, and grown attached to.
And I guess, I don't feel quite ready to see what's for 2016. It's all going to be new.
Scary yet exciting.
Challenging yet adventurous.
Hurdles yet learning curves.
And the unknown.
But instead of dwelling on you as a year, because I've learnt that living in the past means you can't see the future, I just wanted to write my thoughts to a few select people. The people who've really helped me in 2015.
And quite honestly? Without them, I don't know how I'd have coped.
Well, I know I'd have probably bought fifty more cats, but I'm still working on that Papa!


To Mama Mcfred, Papa G & Craig,
Your support and love can never ever be thanked enough, and although you are family and always will be important to me, I cannot quite express just how much you have done for me this year. Those reoccurring conversations of reassurance from you all and your patience has been incredible and the fact that you always just knew mama, when I needed you the most without asking, is something I shall always admire and hope to be like, in the future.
I know you slightly doubted me at the start of the year, but it only made me more motivated to show you that I could do it - and maybe that's why you doubted me, because you knew that I just needed to find that strength inside me. And I did. I did it with determination. Because of you three.
I owe you all endless dinners and cat sitting duties. And a huge amount of wine too.

To the sassy peas,
Sassy girls, I knew you were always good eggs, but this year has only highlighted even more why I'm friends with you, and although I always knew you would be there, I never realised just how much you were like you have even more so. Those extremely long emails helping to navigate me through life, those pick me up whatsapp messages daily and the replies from you in the middle of the night when my brain went into overdrive, have gotten me through some dark and unsure days. Your experiences and words of advice have always been appreciated, and the fact you picked me up right after my operation is one of the many reasons I l want to be around you all the time!
You girls, really are special friends. And I feel lucky as punch to have you in my life.
Our cheese evenings, sleepovers and whatsapp group, always warms my heart.

To the best girls,
For all those times spent laughing and crying with bottles of wine, for all those evenings spent dancing away our troubles and for all those phone conversations feeling like life gets on top of us, you girls will always be top. And even though I sometimes worry that I'm being a burden when I feel sad, or pester you to put a date in your diary to see me, I wouldn't want to have spent this year without you all as much as I did. Because you girls are what any friend should have and need - a shoulder to cry on, a drunk friend to dance with, an ear to listen, a pal for single evenings and a sidekick for causing mayhem and adventures.
I hope you know I'd do exactly the same for you all.

To my family,
During the time of moving, your help, support and love was hugely appreciated - and not a day goes by where I don't thank you for helping me set up home. Those Sunday mornings when you pop round for a coffee to check in on me, and those evenings when we catch up over a glass (or two) of wine always gave me a boost.
I know you can't pick your family, but even if you could, I'd still pick you all.

To Mr Runklebum,
You may be a cat, but you aren't any normal cat. You may not have a clue what I say and you may not quite understand the concept of a bath, but the fact you'll sit there and listen to me for hours whilst I talk about everything and anything, and how you just know when I need a big furry squidge the most, that's what makes you a pretty special chap.
You are awesome. And a pretty blissful housemate.
Apart from when you pooped in the bath. We'll have less of that next time.

To me,
You did it. And you know what, you should be proud. You SHOULD.
You may not have gone through hell like others, but you've had only your fair share of shit compared to what you've ever known, and you're allowed to feel all the emotions. It's OK to cry, and it's OK to feel great.
You've managed to pay your bills (even if it means cheese intake is limited at times!), you've made your house into a home, you're settled into a job and you've even sorted your Christmas presents on time. You're doing just fine.
So hey, treat yourself to something nice. Oh wait. You already did.
Just don't be so hard on yourself in 2016.

"The book is called Opportunity, and its first chapter is New Years Day"

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