We thought...

30.3.15



This post has been a long time coming. The amount of times I’ve told myself that I’d write it, and then decide that actually I didn’t want to write it. That I couldn’t bring myself to write it.
But here I am today, writing it. About to write it, on the one thing that will probably feel the most real considering our lives are pretty much on full display for the internet. This little corner that follows everything we do and shows you into the life of us, And although I’ve written it down in a few texts and only said it once in person, this feels like the hardest part, writing it here. Making it real.

Myself and Little B decided to split up.

I’m not going to sit here and say it’s been easy, because we can both vouch that it’s been tough these past few months. It wasn’t an easy decision to make either but we both know in our hearts, that this isn’t right for us anymore. I’m a huge believer that everything happens for a reason, whether it feels like that at the time or not, but right now we just aren’t meant to be together. And it’s sad, it really is, But I’d been told recently that ‘most people are only meant to be in your life for certain periods of time and be with you for certain sections of your journey’ which almost feels completely true. And the one thing that we are both taking away from this, is those five years that we spent together, the experiences we gained, the people we met and those times we shared. We grew as people, and we taught each other a lot and we made us the people we are today. But sadly, as we grew up, we also grew apart.

I don’t want to go into detail about why we decided to split up, that is something that only myself and Little B will know and agree on. And I don’t have the answers, because I do not know them. All I do know is that none of us are bad people in this, and neither of us are more at victim than the other. We are both equal, and just like things in life, our spark was up. The time had come, to walk away. And begin the next chapter of our lives. Separately.

The past few months have tested us even more so, and the next few months will continue too, as we sort through the house we bought together, the furniture we owned together the commitments we made together. And at the weekend I moved out of the home we shared, and into a new place for myself.  I’m not going to lie, it’s scary. I cried that first night, when I closed the door to my parents as they left me for the night. For the first time, I felt really scared, and alone. But also, knowing that I was following my heart. I was being brave, as I’d been told so much lately. But in that moment, I felt far from brave. I felt unsure… My emotions and feelings are completely all over the place… I have never lived on my own, I have never rang up to pay for the bills before, and I’m so used to relying on Little B to get rid of the spiders and change lightbulbs for me. But this is what I need to do right now. What we need to do right now. With a cat each by our sides.

That was one of the most heart-breaking things about all of this, having to decide what to do with the cats. We knew all along that we wouldn’t ever give them up to anybody, because our love for them is too much. It was such a sad decision, and probably one of the hardest ones that we both had to make in the last few weeks, but we agreed to keep one each, being the fairest way. Runkle is coming with myself, and Ralph is keeping Little B company. They miss each other a little, you can tell, and it’s sad because Ralph is feeling a little lost without Runkle, and Runkle doesn’t know who to watch anymore. But it’s for the best, this is all for the best.

And right now, we’re OK. In our hearts we know it’s the right thing to do, and we’ve always been told to follow our hearts, and as much as we tell ourselves it’ll be OK, I guess we’re also unsure that it will. It’s a complete change, a whole new life starting. A complete different path that we are taking. But as people say, time is a healer. As is chocolate, and crying in your pants which I’m sure will come. But right now we’re focusing on the new things. And taking each day at a time. Because that’s all we can do right now.

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory” – Dr Seuss.

We liked: Little things

24.2.15

Unwinding.. I am trying my hardest to unwind at the moment, but I'm failing. I want to sleep, I need to sleep, but my brain is constantly in overdrive and even with an early night and a scented candle, I find myself lying there thinking about everything for the following day. A few minutes peace can help.
Decorating... Little B wallpapered the downstairs toilet after us hating the painted job we did last year. We're fairly pleased with it, and it seems that the wallpaper has completely fascinated these two kitties. If they had their way, they'd spend hours sitting on that windowsill like statues. Not sure they'd sit still long enough mind..!
Kindness... When my granny came to visit me last week, she bought some flowers for me, which was absolutely lovely. I don't see my granny as much as I'd like too, but with her in the area she popped in for a catch up and hot drink. The more I learn about my granny, the more I realise how similar I am to her.
Cuteness... Little Ralph is still looking very very cute. He's slowly turning more into a cat each day, but those kitten eyes are still winning us over. And now that he has started venturing outside, we may have just cracked this kitty to sleep at night... Well, half sleep! He still wants to lay on your face and tap those eyelashes of yours.
Loving... Since I've been home, Little Runkybum has not left my side. You find him jumping onto the sofa for a cuddle on your lap, he'll snuggle in next to you in the middle of the night (whereas he always slept at the bottom of the bed!), and even this week when I locked myself away in the bathroom, he just wanted to come and join me...
Comfortable... I've spent far too many hours in this jumper, considering the short amount of time I've actually owned it. Sizing up by two sizes was the best decision I made and right now works perfectly for that lazy day, the day on the road, the busy day in the office, and that weekend shopping that needs doing.  It's perfect.
Catching up.. I'm slowly catching up on everything that happened in the past three weeks. It may not mean anything, it may not help, but watching the last few weeks of trashy TV and scrolling back through Instagram as far as I can, has been refreshing. It's funny what you miss out on without really missing out on it at all.

We thought: Stopping & Starting

22.2.15

I half expected this year to start like the other years, with January being that boring long month, a dull and miserable time with the January blues kicking in, and payday seeming a century away. But this year was the complete opposite. Christmas was incredibly busy for us, and even though we were very fortunate to be off for the two weeks, we didn't stop once (apart from the day before NYE, when we sat around in our pants!). And in actual truth, I don't think I've still stopped yet - and we're what, nearly the end of February?
I'm a bit of a mixed bag. The days when I'm busy, I crave to slob on the sofa with a blanket and comfort food, and then the weekends where no plans are in sight, I find myself in a fluster itching to get outside, to make the day worthwhile. For the first time in what feels like a while, I have not stopped. And I've really enjoyed it. Even from a work side of things (and if you know me, I've never been career driven!), I find myself replying to emails in the evening, setting reminders of things I need to do in the morning, and for once, feeling almost positive about my career. Work has completely taken over my life in the last month and a half, with my suitcase becoming my companion, my hard work paying off (yeah! I do actually think I've worked harder!), the satisfaction of meeting customers and them warming to you, and even the odd glass of wine seeming ideal, to attempt a good nights sleep (it didn't happen!). So I guess with work filling up this small brain of mine, my weekends (well, the weekends I wasn't working!) should have been spent relaxing, putting my feet up, and catching up on the housework that won't do itself (and catching up on TLC - Extreme Couponing, I've missed you!). But instead, I filled my diary. I filled it with weekends at friends houses, lunch dates with my favourites, and welcoming anybody and everybody into my house. And it's been so full on, that I guess I've had little time to think of myself, and instead put everyone else first. Simple things like painting my toenails got put aside, printing off pictures for our frames weren't completed and sorting through that pile of unwanted clothes still remains, and instead I thought about everyone else, and made time for them. And kept myself busy, because it was fun. It kept me on my toes.
So this week it felt like a complete shock when I stopped. I had no plans for the two days I booked off,and as much as I probably needed it, I felt completely lost. I currently feel completely lost. Right now, I feel a little like I don't know who I am - this busy person I've become in the last few months has almost pushed me, pushed me to do better in my work, but on the other hand not know much certainty about anything else. Except that I need to look after myself. And that if I could right now, I'd easily curl up in a tight ball, and fall asleep for a week (ideally somewhere hot, but my snug blanket will do).
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I'll leave you with Claire's latest post where I'm sure many of us can agree on. And as she writes so perfectly "Everyone has an opinion, but none of them live your life".