This post has been a long time coming. The amount of times I’ve told myself that I’d write it, and then decide that actually I didn’t want to write it. That I couldn’t bring myself to write it.
But here I am today, writing it. About to write it, on the one thing that will probably feel the most real considering our lives are pretty much on full display for the internet. This little corner that follows everything we do and shows you into the life of us, And although I’ve written it down in a few texts and only said it once in person, this feels like the hardest part, writing it here. Making it real.
Myself and Little B decided to split up.
I’m not going to sit here and say it’s been easy, because we can both vouch that it’s been tough these past few months. It wasn’t an easy decision to make either but we both know in our hearts, that this isn’t right for us anymore. I’m a huge believer that everything happens for a reason, whether it feels like that at the time or not, but right now we just aren’t meant to be together. And it’s sad, it really is, But I’d been told recently that ‘most people are only meant to be in your life for certain periods of time and be with you for certain sections of your journey’ which almost feels completely true. And the one thing that we are both taking away from this, is those five years that we spent together, the experiences we gained, the people we met and those times we shared. We grew as people, and we taught each other a lot and we made us the people we are today. But sadly, as we grew up, we also grew apart.
I don’t want to go into detail about why we decided to split up, that is something that only myself and Little B will know and agree on. And I don’t have the answers, because I do not know them. All I do know is that none of us are bad people in this, and neither of us are more at victim than the other. We are both equal, and just like things in life, our spark was up. The time had come, to walk away. And begin the next chapter of our lives. Separately.
The past few months have tested us even more so, and the next few months will continue too, as we sort through the house we bought together, the furniture we owned together the commitments we made together. And at the weekend I moved out of the home we shared, and into a new place for myself. I’m not going to lie, it’s scary. I cried that first night, when I closed the door to my parents as they left me for the night. For the first time, I felt really scared, and alone. But also, knowing that I was following my heart. I was being brave, as I’d been told so much lately. But in that moment, I felt far from brave. I felt unsure… My emotions and feelings are completely all over the place… I have never lived on my own, I have never rang up to pay for the bills before, and I’m so used to relying on Little B to get rid of the spiders and change lightbulbs for me. But this is what I need to do right now. What we need to do right now. With a cat each by our sides.
That was one of the most heart-breaking things about all of this, having to decide what to do with the cats. We knew all along that we wouldn’t ever give them up to anybody, because our love for them is too much. It was such a sad decision, and probably one of the hardest ones that we both had to make in the last few weeks, but we agreed to keep one each, being the fairest way. Runkle is coming with myself, and Ralph is keeping Little B company. They miss each other a little, you can tell, and it’s sad because Ralph is feeling a little lost without Runkle, and Runkle doesn’t know who to watch anymore. But it’s for the best, this is all for the best.
And right now, we’re OK. In our hearts we know it’s the right thing to do, and we’ve always been told to follow our hearts, and as much as we tell ourselves it’ll be OK, I guess we’re also unsure that it will. It’s a complete change, a whole new life starting. A complete different path that we are taking. But as people say, time is a healer. As is chocolate, and crying in your pants which I’m sure will come. But right now we’re focusing on the new things. And taking each day at a time. Because that’s all we can do right now.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory” – Dr Seuss.