There is a saying on Stand By Me, that stuck with me ever since I heard it..
“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve”
I’d always promised myself that I wouldn’t let that quote be the same for me, I tried to tell myself that actually, I WOULD have the same friends when I’m older, watching them as they walk down the aisle, having children who play together, and looking back at the school days fondly.
But reality is, is that it really doesn’t always happen.
And it’s OK.
There comes a time in your life, when you’ve grown up with friends and maybe you were put together because of family circles, or you buddied up at school because you played the same sport, or you took dance class together. You had the same interests when you were ten, and you liked doing the same thing. You liked the house they lived in, and enjoyed cycling together on the weekend. But as you get older, your views and interests change. You don’t have the time to dance on a weekend, or spend Friday nights in the pub because you have responsibilities. You move away, because you meet new people and you realise that you were friends because your parents were. What you once had in common with a friend at thirteen, may not be quite the same as you do when you’re twenty seven.
You begin to lead different lives, and all of a sudden those messages exchanged daily, turn into once a week, and then before long the ‘Hey Stranger’ comment appears, and you realise in that moment that months have passed. The connection you had with someone you classed as a close friend, someone who had your back and who you really believed would be there when you’re older, sitting in the park with your children and hosting dinner parties together, can disappear almost as quick as friendships start.
And just like that, friendships fade. It is no longer there.
And you question why, you wonder how it got to that stage. Whether there was more effort from one party more, or if they disliked you for some reason, or if they simply just didn’t want to hang around with you anymore. And it can hurt. But it doesn’t reflect on you as a person, or as a friend. And it doesn’t mean that you are disliked. It’s just simply that sometimes, some things, we cannot always control.
We have certain chapters in our life that end, to begin new ones.
Friends come and go. Friends change.
Only you’re expected to feel nothing. Not know a reason why the friendship fell apart, and just continue without having an explanation and quietly avoiding the subject again. Brushing it off when questioned why you two parted ways, and making excuses about living away/change in lifestyle, when all along, you just don’t quite know yourself either. There is no answer. Except life.
You don’t live together, you don’t have children to raise, and you don’t share money like you do with a partner, and you can’t help but hold on to something because it should be easy. It should be easy to be friends. Everyone can be friends with anyone.
It’s harder to walk away from a friendship. Because you can either feel like you’ve let it down, that you didn’t put enough effort in or you weren’t ever a good enough friend, but also when you feel like the friendship isn’t healthy anymore. You constantly feel like you’re trying to impress them, to be wanted and liked by them, and they may put you down, instead of supporting you, but instead it only brings negativity with you. With that friendship.
So it’s hard to know when you should let go. Remember it for what it was. Not what it is.
Just like in a breakup.
And actually, it’s a pity, because losing a friend I think, is far more painful than losing a partner, a lover.
You’re never quite prepared for it since you simply invited someone round for tea.
“It might take a while to realise but eventually you’ll find the good in goodbye.”