“Sometimes, you just need a break. in a beautiful place. alone. to figure everything out”
Our lives are broken down into chapters, with each day, each moment essentially becoming an event in our lives. We do things and we achieve them, in order to be who and where we are today. And sometimes these things aren’t necessarily created or led by us, they merely just come about.
I’m always a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and everything that we’ve done, we’ve learnt from, achieved and experienced, brings us to the current. The now. And for me now, those things that have built up over time, in my life and especially in the last eighteen months, have built me up for this moment. This next chapter in my life.
Now with another.
I remember when I first thought about living alone. I said it with confidence, partly because I don’t think many people actually HAD the confidence in me living alone so I was trying to back my decision, my choice, but also because I was trying to believe it myself. If I said it boldly, I believed it.
I would. And I could live alone.
But really, I was completely and utterly shit scared.
I’d never lived alone before.
I liked being around people.
I liked having someone to go home to.
I liked cooking for people, or being cooked for.
I liked that warmth in a place where people where.
And I didn’t actually think, I really wanted to do it. To live alone.
But I almost had to.
When friends told me that it would be the best thing I’d ever do, I honestly laughed at them. I thought I was different to them. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it. Because I don’t like space alone, and they did. Because I wasn’t good at quiet time, and they were. Because I thrived off people and got my energy off others, whereas they didn’t feel the need to.
And I basically admitted that I didn’t do so well on my own.
I was almost a fail, right before I’d even begun.
And then this strength came over me. I wasn’t a teenager anymore (hell, I haven’t been for a while. I need to remember that!); I knew how to work a washing machine (I mean, we’ll ignore that it took me a year to buy the right washing powder..), I could cook for myself, I was capable of getting up in the morning. And I had a cat to keep alive. And myself.
I HAD to do it.
Because who else would in this right now?
So I found a flat. It was only my second place I’d viewed. And I instantly felt it was right… It’s like, it was there, just at the right moment. For me.
It’s true what they say. Sometimes you really do just need a break, in a beautiful place, alone, to figure everything out.
I did just that.
This place, I called home. I completely made it my own. But more importantly, it made me my own too. It turned me into the person I am now. It made me realise what I wanted from life. It taught me things I didn’t ever know. It highlighted things to me I never even thought I was capable of doing, and it really truly, made me, me. It was a blessing, in disguise.
It became the place where I cried more times than I can remember, where I healed a confused and lonely heart, where I debated everything in life and where I finally accepted to ask for reassurance. And it was also the place where I laughed nearly every day, where friends came and added their warmth to the walls, where evenings were spent drinking wine, cooking delicious food and catching up with loved ones. Where drunk nights were had, many sleepovers were prepared and memories that were made forever and will be looked back at fondly. With warmth, and love and a special time close to myself.
But mostly, it was the place where I met this guy. That guy I spoke about before, and where our relationship really blossomed, and our love grew. And laughter and happiness filled that little place every single day we were together.
It was a happiness that I’d never felt before in my life. In every single possible way.
And with that, as one chapter ends and that beloved blue door closes to my favourite home so far, with a few tears in my eyes, another one opens and welcomes me in with excitement and love that quite honestly, makes me smile.
A real genuine smile. Full of love.
“A house is just bricks and mortar. But memories made wherever, stay forever.”