This is to you.
To the one who has made me smile like a Cheshire cat this year. The one who’s made me feel things I didn’t even know possible, and most of all to the one who I like. I like a lot.
“If you can learn to love yourself and all your flaws, you can love other people so much better.
And that makes you so much happier.”
I remember when I was a young girl, and my papa once said to me that ‘you learn to love when you love yourself’ and never has a phrase stuck with me so much.
I thought I liked boys when I was younger, but I always battled with myself. I never felt quite content in my own skin, I wasn’t always 100% accepting of who I was.
But I wasn’t, I’m not, a horrible person.
So why couldn’t I just accept, and love who I was? If I didn’t like that, then how would anyone else?
I suppose that’s what we go through, when we grow up. We can so easily mask things, and hide what we really think. But there comes a time, when we get a little bit older, and we have more responsibilities, more opportunities and we may be put in situations, where we have to talk highly of ourselves. And the more we tell others, the more we begin to believe it.
We start to love us. And all our flaws too.
Towards the end of last year, I sat and thought about everything the year had taught me and what it had made me become. It changed me for the better, it made me realise I was stronger, and it also taught me what I was capable of but it also made me see that I was me. Just me.
And I think, in that moment, I started to like the person I’d become.
I walked into 2016 (actually, I think I stumbled home…) with a positive outlook, a fresh mindset and a determination that if I wanted to do something, then I could. And that I, myself, was content with everything about me. Flaws and all.
I walked into 2016 with the biggest smile on my face (OK, the drink that night may have helped) because I had a good feeling about it. Things were about to change, and I was ready.
That smile has not left my face since.
And I know for certain, that it was down to you.
You simply crossed my path in the last week of 2015. An unexpected and hugely unexplained cross at that, leaving me baffled for months after to wonder how this could be possible – it was simply pure chance that you were in my area, at this particular time. A reason for this. Maybe a moment of fate? An incredibly grateful moment of fate at that too.
And even the distance between our two houses didn’t stop our chats till 5am, our endless list of songs to share and listen too, the similarities between our personalities, the endless laughter we had and the want to find out more about each other. There was this warmth, that instantly filled inside of me more and more as each day passed, and still now, that feeling doesn’t fade… If anything, it only gets warmer.
I find myself intrigued daily, by you, by your ways and your thoughts. I feel like I know so much already, but still have so much more to find out. I find myself inspired by you, feeling like I want to succeed myself, and match the determination that you have. I find myself pushing my limits because of you, making me realise that I actually can do the things I sometimes didn’t believe I could.
And I find myself feeling all these things that I’ve never felt before.
From you, the person who I see myself in, when I stare right at you.
I like that you make me laugh, every single day.
I like even more that you care and support everything I do.
I like that I want to be your biggest cheerleader.
I love the places that we’ve visited together this year.
I like that I admire you more and more each day.
I also like that you’re a little strange, even if you disagree.
I like that you inspire me, and that you believe in me.
I like your face, and the way I catch you sometimes staring at me.
I like that we know what each other are thinking.
I also hugely like that you appreciate corn as much as me.
And my heart warms when I see you and Runkle curled up together.
And I really like, that you’re almost, if not more, as much of a faffer as I am.
Y’know, we just get each other.
I like that. Like I like you.
And so, I thank you. For being you. And helping me to be content with myself. And for all the laughter and adventures that we’ve had so far. Words cannot fully describe the way it all feels, but you know what I think. And that’s all that matters, between you and I. A team.
Here’s to us, a team. And the next part of this journey..
Love me x