“Get yourself back out there. On that dating scene”.. That’s what they said.
“Try Internet dating. You won’t exactly find anyone at the vets or down the cheese aisle” They said.
“You’ll be single forever when they see you like cats” They said.
That word I never thought I’d ever come across. I don’t date. I don’t go to fancy restaurants or pretend to drink martinis. I don’t take long walks in the park and I don’t have a wardrobe of bodycons for the occasion.
I hang out with my cat. I eat lots of cheese. I like watching films under the fur throw.
And I like sitting about in my knickers.
So is a dating app REALLY that ready for me. I don’t think my brain is quite…
What happens if they don’t get my facial expressions?
They might find me weird?
Maybe I’m not as advertised with my pictures?
Will they find me boring?
OH GOD. I FORGOT TO DE-CAT HAIR MY TOP.
I wonder how they’ll react when I tell them I like cats. Like really like cats.
Will I make them laugh? With me? And not at me.
I wonder if anyone here knows me? Or even them?
Am I too nice?
What happens if they’re disappointed when they meet me?
Will they end up seeing me naked in the future?
WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY DON’T LIKE MY BODY?
AND MY SMALL BOOBS.
AND MY REALLY BIG CELLULITE BUM.
OH GOLLY. But what happens if I’m single forever?
What happens if I don’t like them, but I’m too scared to leave the date?
I’m too nice to get up and take an emergency call.
Real life isn’t like the movies.
I’ll just stick it out. I get to finish my pizza at least…