Today is Monday, one of the dullest days of the week.
Yet today I feel good.
And yesterday I felt good.
Actually. I’ve felt good for the past week. Kinda. I mean take out the after effects of anesthetic, which FYI sucked, and a few stings below and occasional stomach cramps, I’m feeling positive. I feel much much better.
I had a huge heart to heart with my mama a few weeks ago, the night before I was due to go to hospital and I cried about feeling lonely, I cried about my worries, I cried about the future and I cried about crying. But by golly, it helped. It helped me massively. Because actually admitting that face to face with someone made me realise how low I had previously felt, but also how it was time to get back on the horse, as they all say.
Even though, I’m no good at horse riding. I like horses though.
But I did just that. I cried it all out, I headed to hospital the next day (where I’m fairly sure they removed my brain instead of those pesky cells…), got the worst part over and done with, slept a lot, drank a lot (of water FYI), ate lots of lasagna, and then pulled myself together.
Because I realised that nobody else would do it for me.
And that although starting over is a completely new thing, it can be exciting.
And that I’m to not look into things too much.
And I’m to feel more positive about the unknown of the future.
And I’m to just do what I want, when I want.
And I’m to learn to make decisions, but equally go with the flow. Take it as it comes.
And most importantly, I’m just going to be me. With my cat. Because it’s the two of us and well, I’m fairly sure that we’re ready for new challenges.
Fun stories to share.
Achievements to be proud of.
And accepting life for what it is.
Although, that’s probably more me than Runkle. Because, well, he just sleeps all day. And plays with his aubergine (no pun intended.. genuine aubergine toy…..), and his biggest accomplishments are seeing how long he can scratch the sofa’s for, until I realise. Cheeky.
I feel better.
No, wait. I am ready, to get excited by what’s ahead. I know there’ll still be some days when I just want to eat six ice creams in one sitting (Papa, it happened ONCE), or eat curly fries and cheese religiously for a week. But that’s OK. Because I can do that. I get excited by curly fries and cheese.
And stepping out in to the unknown and just making the most of everything that hits me in the face.
Sometimes quite literally.
I have a tendency for walking into things at the minute…
Maybe I’ll leave that part out of my dating profile…