This post has been a long time coming. The amount oftimes I’ve told myself that I’d write it, and then decide that actually I didn’twant to write it. That I couldn’t bring myself to write it.
But here I am today, writing it. About to write it, onthe one thing that will probably feel the most real considering our lives arepretty much on full display for the internet. This little corner that followseverything we do and shows you into the life of us, And although I’ve writtenit down in a few texts and only said it once in person, this feels like thehardest part, writing it here. Making it real.
Myself and Little B decided to split up.
I’m not going to sit here and say it’s been easy, becausewe can both vouch that it’s been tough these past few months. It wasn’t an easydecision to make either but we both know in our hearts, that this isn’t rightfor us anymore. I’m a huge believer that everything happens for a reason,whether it feels like that at the time or not, but right now we just aren’tmeant to be together. And it’s sad, it really is, But I’d been told recentlythat ‘most people are only meant to be in your life for certain periods of timeand be with you for certain sections of your journey’ which almost feelscompletely true. And the one thing that we are both taking away from this, isthose five years that we spent together, the experiences we gained, the peoplewe met and those times we shared. We grew as people, and we taught each other alot and we made us the people we are today. But sadly, as we grew up, we alsogrew apart.
I don’t want to go into detail about why we decided tosplit up, that is something that only myself and Little B will know and agreeon. And I don’t have the answers, because I do not know them. All I do know isthat none of us are bad people in this, and neither of us are more at victimthan the other. We are both equal, and just like things in life, our spark wasup. The time had come, to walk away. And begin the next chapter of our lives.Separately.
The past few months have tested us even more so, and thenext few months will continue too, as we sort through the house we boughttogether, the furniture we owned together the commitments we made together. Andat the weekend I moved out of the home we shared, and into a new place formyself. I’m not going to lie, it’sscary. I cried that first night, when I closed the door to my parents as theyleft me for the night. For the first time, I felt really scared, and alone. Butalso, knowing that I was following my heart. I was being brave, as I’d beentold so much lately. But in that moment, I felt far from brave. I felt unsure…My emotions and feelings are completely all over the place… I have never livedon my own, I have never rang up to pay for the bills before, and I’m so used torelying on Little B to get rid of the spiders and change lightbulbs for me. Butthis is what I need to do right now. What we need to do right now. With a cateach by our sides.
That was one of the most heart-breaking things about allof this, having to decide what to do with the cats. We knew all along that we wouldn’tever give them up to anybody, because our love for them is too much. It wassuch a sad decision, and probably one of the hardest ones that we both had tomake in the last few weeks, but we agreed to keep one each, being the fairestway. Runkle is coming with myself, and Ralph is keeping Little B company. Theymiss each other a little, you can tell, and it’s sad because Ralph is feeling alittle lost without Runkle, and Runkle doesn’t know who to watch anymore. Butit’s for the best, this is all for the best.
And right now, we’re OK. In our hearts we know it’s theright thing to do, and we’ve always been told to follow our hearts, and as muchas we tell ourselves it’ll be OK, I guess we’re also unsure that it will. It’sa complete change, a whole new life starting. A complete different path that weare taking. But as people say, time is a healer. As is chocolate, and crying inyour pants which I’m sure will come. But right now we’re focusing on the newthings. And taking each day at a time. Because that’s all we can do right now.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a momentuntil it becomes a memory” – Dr Seuss.