Stopping & Starting

I half expected this year to start like the other years, with January being that boring long month, a dull and miserable time with the January blues kicking in, and payday seeming a century away. But this year was the complete opposite. Christmas was incredibly busy for us, and even though we were very fortunate to be off for the two weeks, we didn’t stop once (apart from the day before NYE, when we sat around in our pants!). And in actual truth, I don’t think I’ve still stopped yet – and we’re what, nearly the end of February?
I’m a bit of a mixed bag. The days when I’m busy, I crave to slob on the sofa with a blanket and comfort food, and then the weekends where no plans are in sight, I find myself in a fluster itching to get outside, to make the day worthwhile. For the first time in what feels like a while, I have not stopped. And I’ve really enjoyed it. Even from a work side of things (and if you know me, I’ve never been career driven!), I find myself replying to emails in the evening, setting reminders of things I need to do in the morning, and for once, feeling almost positive about my career. Work has completely taken over my life in the last month and a half, with my suitcase becoming my companion, my hard work paying off (yeah! I do actually think I’ve worked harder!), the satisfaction of meeting customers and them warming to you, and even the odd glass of wine seeming ideal, to attempt a good nights sleep (it didn’t happen!). So I guess with work filling up this small brain of mine, my weekends (well, the weekends I wasn’t working!) should have been spent relaxing, putting my feet up, and catching up on the housework that won’t do itself (and catching up on TLC – Extreme Couponing, I’ve missed you!). But instead, I filled my diary. I filled it with weekends at friends houses, lunch dates with my favourites, and welcoming anybody and everybody into my house. And it’s been so full on, that I guess I’ve had little time to think of myself, and instead put everyone else first. Simple things like painting my toenails got put aside, printing off pictures for our frames weren’t completed and sorting through that pile of unwanted clothes still remains, and instead I thought about everyone else, and made time for them. And kept myself busy, because it was fun. It kept me on my toes.
So this week it felt like a complete shock when I stopped. I had no plans for the two days I booked off,and as much as I probably needed it, I felt completely lost. I currently feel completely lost. Right now, I feel a little like I don’t know who I am – this busy person I’ve become in the last few months has almost pushed me, pushed me to do better in my work, but on the other hand not know much certainty about anything else. Except that I need to look after myself. And that if I could right now, I’d easily curl up in a tight ball, and fall asleep for a week (ideally somewhere hot, but my snug blanket will do).
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but I’ll leave you with Claire’s latest post where I’m sure many of us can agree on. And as she writes so perfectly “Everyone has an opinion, but none of them live your life”.

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