Dear my younger self,
Life is totally not what you expect. You know when people tell you that you'll never have the friends when you're older, like you do at school, well it's true. And you know what? It hurts, and it's hard. And it can make you feel a little uneasy about the future, but with some time, you will come to realise those that matter, the ones that will stand by your side, push you to achieve your dreams and also tell you when that dress really does not flatter that ass of yours, are the ones you want around. And the ones who are unsure of your choices, make you sad and struggle to find time to hang out, are the kind that you do not need anymore. Grown up's need support still too. Like I said, it takes time (hell, I'm still going through it), but follow your instinct and don't sit about crying. Life goes on. Bills need to be paid. And although caring for others is a wonderful thing, care for yourself. Put yourself first sometimes instead of others. The way that you care for others and think of them, turn it around, think about yourself in that way. And seriously, stop worrying about what people think of you. It'll never go away. But just accept it. Worry about what you wear tomorrow instead.
Don't fret over choices too much, papa always said to try something and if it's not right, try something else. And honestly, he's so right. It doesn't matter if you don't know where you're going (well kinda, if you're stuck on the M1 then you really should have some idea..) or what you want to do. You don't need to 'BE' something other than yourself. But you can 'DO' anything. You just have to put your mind to it. And it's there, it is, but I'm still figuring that one out for you.
You'll have your ups and downs, and they won't be as awful as others, and they won't be as happy as others, but they'll be what you only know and how you deal with them is how you will grow to deal with most things thrown at you in life. It's OK to cry and it's certainly OK to be mad sometimes, but don't hold grudges. Because life is way to short. There are times when you'll feel so alone, and like everything is closing in on you, but we're sent these times to test us. You will always, always find your feet. And if you're not happy, then change it. Happiness is the most important recipe in life and if you've not got that right ingredient, then it certainly won't make the right kinda cake for you. Appreciate the simple things, that others around you may forget, and soon enough, you'll pass that impact onto others. And people will thank you for it. And that, is happiness. It's a nice feeling.
As hard as it is, try not to take those mean comments from boys at school, to heart because it will only trouble you through later life. Brush it off, and just know, that straighteners will exist, Jolene will be God's gift and eyebrows will be trendy. And that somebody, somewhere will love you for you. That person, the one who will love you regardless, they're alright you know. They'll care for you, and help you when you fall (even after a few drinks), they'll hold your hair back when you're sick (from drinking again..) and they'll also be a shoulder to cry on. And most importantly, you'll share so much together, that you almost cannot live without this person. And everything from school doesn't matter quite so much anymore (until they get a job there and for a brief moment, feel nothing but mixed emotions). That person matters. Your life together matters. As does your quality time together.
You're never going to stand out, and you're totally OK with that. You're happy to float into the background, and only make comments when you have to. Speak up, stand up for what you think is right because sadly you will become a pushover. And being a pushover will only happen time and time again. And although you care, sometimes, don't. Take risks, because life will be far more fun if you do. Risks make experiences, whether good or bad. And experiences make learning lessons.
Tell people that you love them, tell that that you care. Because the world that I'm currently living in feels like we only show our out pours of love when someone isn't around anymore. And that's kinda sad. We are all on this world together, and we're all learning the same things daily, so don't be so hard on yourself when sometimes you feel unsure. Ask for help. Nobody will laugh (unless you ask a pretty stupid question... It'll happen) and if in doubt, use Google. Unless it's a medical query, then go to the Doctors. Always.
And finally, embrace it. Somebody said to me this week that everything will fall into place. If you're lost, you will always find your way back. Take that on board. Everything happens, and it happens for a reason. But something exciting is out there for you. You've just got to go get it. And believe in it.