Someone like you


I was going to post a photo of myself. One that you'd probably never see again (unless you had print screened and saved it) but then as I uploaded, I took it back down. I wasn't makeup less. Or naked (sadly). I merely had my hair up. It's kinda not a big deal to majority of you but it is a huge thing for me. One that has haunted me for many many years, and STILL I cannot seem to snap out of.

I am a girl. An average girl, who just like every other girl, has her insecurities. I hate the way my boobs hang (or don't hang), I hate that my thighs are practically best friends who can't get away from each other, I hate how my bum looks saggy, and I hate that I have dark hair all over my body... but I know none of this is going to change. I try to tell myself that it's OK that my boobs are weird because no boobs are perfect, that it's good to see my thighs are getting on so well, that my big sized rear seems to be what everyone wants right now (just ask Kim K) and that dark hair DOESN'T make you a man nor an ugly human being.
Every girl has issues, and we all try to deal with them. People assume that bloggers are confident because "Oh you take photo's of yourself, so you can't be shy about how you look". Really? Because I for one am not confident. I may appear it from a photo, but little do they know I've possibly taken 37 shots and chosen my favourite 4 because my legs look quite slim here, and look, I appear to have a waist in this one. And wow, nobody can see the scar on my nose or an unplucked eyebrow hair.

Bullying. Many of these insecurities came from bullying. For me, bullying bothers me. A lot. And even after a bully stops, you never get over it. Throughout school I was bullied for being dark skinned with plenty of dark hair. Everyday I had to listen to guys tell me I looked like a boy. An actual boy. I had to listen to BOYS tell ME I looked like a BOY. Just like one of them. And that, I couldn't accept. Eight years later, and I'm still questioning "Do I look like a boy in this?" I know I don't own a penis, nor have I ever owned one (that I'm aware of!) so why do I constantly assume that the minute I wear my hair up, someone's going to call me a guy and pat me on the back? Even if I am wearing the prettiest dress on the planet, I would still consider I look like a boy.
Like every girl, we have our good days and our bad days. Some days we are pleased that our hair is finally in place, and that actually our faces are glowing, and other days we hate that our love handles won't tuck under the skirt we want to wear or that we forgot to bleach our upper lip the night before. And whatever people tell us, that we're looking beautiful or super skinny, we still find it hard to accept and digest this. With the pressure from the media to look a certain way that most of us know we'll never look like, really doesn't help us girls feel any better about ourselves. And for us bloggers, we dread the day we receive the anonymous comment stating that we're too fat too be wearing that dress or how disgusting our face looks. Because in truth, we can't handle it. However much we tell ourselves it doesn't matter, it's just one comment, it actually does matter. And we take that away with us. Forever.

I cannot change the world. I cannot stop the bullying. And I certainly cannot stop people saying nasty things to us, but as an insecure woman myself,  I can try my hardest to make sure that every girl, whether they be tall, short, skinny, curvy, hairy or naked, understand that it's OK to have these insecurities and that it's not going to be easy. We will continue to have our bad days, where the bullies will have won, and we will also have our good days where we know nobody can stop us. So ladies, next time you're having a bad day, think of the good days that you have and tell yourself that no matter what anybody says.. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.


54 comments

  1. I love this, I'm so glad you wrote it cos it really does seem to come from the heart!
    There's lots I dislike about my body, but I wouldnt change a thing because then I wouldn't be me! x

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  2. I think it's really great you posted this. I have this huge massive thing that I've never quite worked up the courage to blog about, and that's because of bullying too and how schools in our country are completely unequipped to deal with it properly. I think that everyone should be encouraged to embrace and love who they are. You, my dear, are extremely beautiful in my humble opinion! With a wicked sense of style to boot :) xxxx

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  3. You are a stunner-and if I could punch those bullying wanks for you I would. <3 <3

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  4. This is lovely, as are you. I'm way too insecure to post photos of myself on my blog but I just might start knowing that others feel the same. I think people find it easy to bully bloggers due to how confident they seem but its never okay. A great honest post xxx

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  5. Brilliant post. And I completely agree with Lauren :-) xx

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  6. I saw your tweets questioning whether to post this or not and glad that you did. I was horribly bullied at school. I cried every single day on the bus on the way to and from school. I happened to have an horrific haircut that made me look like David Hasselhoff for two years which didn't help but I still get nervous in large groups of girls... and I left school ten years ago!!

    I suspect you have written this in response to your own or someone else's experience and it makes me feel sick that someone would be spiteful in the comments about an outift post.

    There is a photo of me when I was 14 in my bedroom now. I found it at my mums recently and I was so THIN!!! I felt so fat and so self conscious at the time, the photo is taken in Australia and I remember I didn't swim ONCE! Not once on a sunny holiday to Australia??? because I felt fat and didn't want anyone to see me in a swimming costume.

    I've put it there to make me think in another 10/20 years I'll be saying I was so YOUNG! or something simlar and should just stop wasting time thinking about these things. You have to find a way to just be comfortable in your own skin. Accept the things you can't change and if it really bothers you do something like exercise more for the things you can change. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

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  7. and also. It's no-one elses bloody business! Back off people. There are a gazillion blogs out there, go and find another one that you like or something.

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  8. This might be a really redundant comment...but I used to hate wearing my hair tied back because I thought the same. Now on my 'off days' (I'm a uni student so have a lot of those!) like when I know I'm definately not leaving the house, I scraped it back. The more I did it, the more I grew used to it, and while I still don't particuarly like having my entire face and ears exposed, I've accepted that it doesn't look as horrific as it used to in my head. So maybe just tie it up when you're alone to sort of ease yourself into it. Anyway, like you said, it's all subjective so maybe that's not for you but I hope your confidence gets better because none of those comments made against you are true :)

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  9. What a brilliant post. It always comes as a surprise to me when people tell me their insecurities (though I do it myself I think) and they are things that had never ever crossed my mind about them.

    Thank you for this.x

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  10. i think you shoukd do the project perfect tag ... the rules etc are on my page xoxo

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  11. This is so lovely. And YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I think you're absolutely stunning <3
    x x x

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  12. oh katy. this post is perfect because it's so honest and so well written. i just hope you know that i, and am sure many others, think you're a beautiful girl with a personality to match! it love how you've just put your insecurities out there because sometimes i don't think people are confident enough to do that, and that's a huge step to take.

    i know how you feel on the bullying front, i experienced similar for an extremely long time and i'll never really get over a lot of what was said, and will still look back on that time as a hellish period in my life. you don't get over those things because it lodges itself in the brain. i do think that one day though, you'll be able to laugh at all of these people who were so cruel and see how far you've come in getting away from them.

    just remember that you have a successful blog, a good job, a partner, somewhere to live, the power to walk well in heels (an amazing feat!) and are an all round lovely, lovely person. you can laugh in the faces of all those who ruined your school days. xxxxx

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  13. This is such a lovely, well-written post. Whenever something those bullies said gets you down just think STUFF THEM, they probably have a million of their own miserable insecurities and that's why they're trying to bring you down. You are one beautiful, funny lady. Screw the bullies! xx

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  14. OOH! This is such a great post and i sure everyone is agreee with u. No matter what, we still beautiful in the way we are. and u DID/DO look gorgeous! :)

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  15. My bum sags and wobbles on a day to day basis, my boobs do nothing because they don't even exist and my thighs often rub each other up and you have just made them feel good about their job roles in life and encouraged them to carry on doing what they do best. I love you and your posts!

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  16. you are gorgeous. you in no way look like a boy & anyone who says otherwise is a complete tool. bullying is something that always stays with you & thats why its so important it gets stamped out. i was always bullied about my weight from as early on as infant school & its definitely affected me because i still feel like i'm obese even though i'm a size 10 now :( horrible anon blog comments or formspring questions bring back that school yard mentality & i really don't understand why people think its okay to be so evil & rude to a person just because of how they look. we are who we are & no one can change that no matter what they say or do xx

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  17. I love you. There was so much I wrote here but I deleted it. Why is it so hard to talk about bullying, bullying has destroyed so many things for me but has made me a nice person so skrew them. You're gorgeous Katy.x

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  18. Oh you. You are one of the nicest people I have never met. I think it is SO sad that childish taunts can stay with into our adult years and cause the kinds of feelings that probably almost all of us have from time to time, and some more than others. I personally think that blogging does wonders for self image, but you're right. Nobody takes one pictures, posts it and voila!
    I'm overly hairy, party down to PCOS and partly down to genetics. I have ridiculously light skin naturally but bloody dark hair. (bloody irish heritage!) I however do not have to guts to bare it all for a beauty therapist to have it all waxed off ever, but I guess I am lucky that I have Sam, who honestly couldn't care less about the state of my legs or hoohoo. I tried to wax my tasche once and it went blotchy and meh, so bleaching it is!
    I know me saying, you look gorgeous (and would with your hair up too!) doesn't make the insecurities go away. But I wish it would xxxxx

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  19. beautiful post from very beautiful girl. :) I totally sympathise with you, from being bullied by guys it really knocks your confidence, and in 10 years of not being bullied the memories and words still hurt. I will never be comfortable with my looks, the fact I am overweight etc, but its people like yourself that keep me smiling. x

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  20. Brave post!! It's horrible that bullying can have such a lasting effect of people, when the people doing it probably don't even think about/mean what they are saying.

    You are such a lovely looking girl, this is one of my new favourite blogs because I love reading your outfits posts, and I totally envy your sense of style. Don't let those bullies ruin your confidence any longer xx

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  21. This is so well written and it's so true as well. One awful comment can really cut you down and make you feel insecure for ages. I've always been insecure about my size and am only recently learning to accept myself, warts and all, but it's really a big step. thank you for writing about this X
    p.s. for what it's worth- i think you're absolutely gorgeous!

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  22. I love this. And I love that in spite of everything you said about being insecure and not that confident a person, you came across really confident with a lovely inspiring message to other girls out there reading this.

    Lauren
    http://tasteslikelove.blogspot.com

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  23. Lovely post hun. I am 6ft and have been since I was about 14. And not 6ft in the modelesque way! I am always paranoid about looking like a man because I'm not a dainty woman. But like you say, everyone has insecurities so that is mine. You're a lovely girl inside and out! xx

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  24. I absolutely love this post.. It's horrible that childish comments can give you insecurities for life! Everyone has insecurities and I think blogging is a really good way to help get over them, or at least live in peace with them :) Brilliant post hun, I'm sure you've made everyone who has read this smile :)

    The Deer Head

    x

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  25. A very brave and well written post - well done you x

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  26. Such a lovely post x

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  27. Soo inspiring. Aw. You are gorgeous and seem like such a genuinely lovely girl.
    What you've said here is 100% truth. Loving your blog!

    <3 Laura

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  28. i so appreciate this post. i constantly pick holes in myself. i too was bullied in school (my nickname was ironing board the meanies!) and i can completely understand everything you feel. It just stays with you regardless of how hard you try to forget. Well, i have to say i think your a beautiful person and you should wear your hair up with pride, for without those comments in your past you would never have become the lovely sensitive caring girl you are today!

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  29. Absolutley lovely post, so well written and honest...I was bullied at school and always battle with insecurities (main reason I haven't got the courage to do outfit posts yet) even the smallest comment can play on your mind long after it is said and sometimes (for me at least) it is the comments by girls that hurt that much more! Thanks for having the courage to post this lovely! You seem like the sweetest girl and are beautiful as well
    xxx
    miabellaluna.blogspot.com

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  30. Massive love to you for this post, I was bullied at school too (shocking how many comments have started with this / mentioned this) and it leaves such long lasting scars. I'm so proud of you for these strong words! You're beautiful Katy and you deserve to feel it, and one day you will! Hair up OR hair down.

    Sarah
    http://fashionismyh2o.blogspot.com/
    xx

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  31. I have no words to do this post justice,
    please accept a declaration of my un-dying love though

    xxx

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  32. Yes yes yes, so true! Out of 100+ photos you only see 7 of them, and I mean that is the process with any photoshoot but people need to understand that hateful comments really do hurt - even bloggers are people, and all people have insecurities. Except maybe Adriana Lima, she is not human. Okay, back on track: you are amazing!

    SIDEWALKCATWALKS.com

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  33. some people are so nasty - well all I can say is you have nothing to worry! Your lovely as you are. Everyone has insecurities - I have plenty and hate having my photograph taken, and like you take loads of snaps and pick the ones where I look 'better'.

    Bella

    x

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  34. Well done for putting this out there! You are definitely lovely as you are - I'm jealous of your hair!! I think sometimes us girls forget that others do actually feel bad about themselves too and I'm pretty sure we ALL hate the majority of our photos! I know I do most days anyway. Chin up babes :) xx

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  35. I have nothing more to add apart from lots of kisses and cannot wait even more to meet you on 3rd march <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  36. You're such an inspiration Katy you absolute babe. & you'er sooo right about bloggers photos. I can pose for a good 40 photos and still not find any I really like because of something or otherr. We're girls & we're always gonna criticise ourself for something or other, that's just the way it issss. You look bloody gorgeous in this picture tooooooo xxx

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  37. this was a really brave post, i wish i could give you a hug right now! You're right about the blogging = confidence thing....just because you take photos of yourself doesn't necessarily mean that you like them. i've never really been bullied but i am incredibly insecure which is ridiculous because WE'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!! x

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  38. This is such a brilliant post! Well done for having the courage to put this out there.. Xx

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  39. beautiful post. everyone has insecurities. I do exactly the same, choosing every picture with care, and if there's anything I don't like I wont post them. My worst fear is getting anonymous hate, I've been lucky so far but I feel for people who haven't. Well done for saying all this! xx

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  40. You are so so gorgeous Katy, and it was so admirable of you to post such a heartfelt post. I know I've had things said in the past that have affected me, but when people are so unkind to someone as lovely as you it mainly comes down to jealousy. You seem like such a lovely person and mega babe, so don't let anyone like this bring you down missy! xx

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  41. You are beautiful! And definitely look like a girl :) I would never have guessed you fear looking like a boy. I got one of my first bullying posts just last night :( It's not so much the mean jab that gets me down (I feel at 28, like a defiant grandma with blue hair, I've earned the right to think I'm HOT even with a big 'ol nose and if I have no makeup on and my pants are unbuttoned to accomodate a food baby, lol) it's that the person was offended by some comment I left elsewhere (and I always aim to be nice but honest when I comment on blogs) and then they felt the need to take me down a few pegs. Boo. I prefer to see general supportiveness because hating is such a waste of time! We can all relate to how you feel in this post; even supermodels feel this way sometimes. Still, I regret that I inadvertantly offended that person and I wish I knew what it was in my comment they (presumably) misread!

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  42. I want you to know that I personally think you're a heart throb.

    This is such an inspiring post & I have so, so much respect for you for posting this - it's ever so brave. It makes me ever so sad that people have said such spiteful things to you in the past, because they obviously do not understand true beauty. What morons. It seems to me it is probably just mere jealousy.

    Stay beautiful, pretty lady xx

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  43. This is such a great post. I too was bullied for many things, including being hairy. I was often called 'gorilla' amongst other things.
    People can be so cruel.
    One of the boys that taunted me in school spoke to me a while back (I was drunk at the time) I asked him why he was speaking to me when he always used to bully me. He was shocked to hear that I thought of him as a bully, how can they not realise how cruel they are being?
    The bullies are the truly ugly people xx

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  44. Yolanda Grunewald25 February 2012 at 20:35

    So sorry to hear this! You look amazing!!.. xx

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  45. This is such a touching, well written post. I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that! I was bullied too and it was well and truly shitey. What is important to remember, though, is that their words can never and will never define you. You need to remember that you're bloody gorgeous, talented and lovely, whilst they are bitter, twisted and lonely. You're so much better than them!

    Emily Wears Things
    xx

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  46. althou the letters are soo small (and honestly i am pretty difficult to read it) but i love the way to write. nice to know!

    http://iypb.blogspot.com

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  47. I can't tell you how much I agree with this post and how much I can relate to this! I have so many insecurities that it nearly caused me and my boyfriend to split up - jealousy issues!
    I think the main reason which caused my insecurities was being called "fat" by various family members when I was a size 10 and basically normal weight for my height... It's just that my bum sticks out A LOT (duck booty, anyone?) and that, unfortunately, all of the weight which I put on goes to my belly.
    But I've finally managed to realise that I should love myself for who I am and that people wouldn't have me any other way.
    I'm really glad that you've posted this because it's what a lot of girls want to say but don't have the courage to. You seem like a really lovely girl and don't need to let anything get you down!

    http://m0llyslife.blogspot.co.uk

    x

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  48. I've always related to you on the hair thing. I was bullied at school because I looked like a man. I was 16 and not interested in make up and fashion at the time, I just wanted my cherry vans which everyone thought were disgusting and now 7 years later everyone loves vans, pah. I got told I looked like chad kroeger. I was nicknamed 'Gilette' because I had the tiniest bit of upper lip hair and it was apparently appropriate to remind me constantly that I needed to shave. Turns out I have PCOS and I was never going to be able to help any of those things. All those people who used to bully me have since, chatted me up, various times when seeing them out in town. This thrills me!

    The hair, big thing for me. I hate my ears. I mean HATE them. And on top of that I also wear hearing aids which has always been another reason to cover my ears because when I was younger, people would either take the piss and call me grandma, or act overly curious about them. Gah. I remember when I first posted a picture on twitter of me with my hair up - Nobody said a thing, and it actually looked okay. I still cover my ears up with my hair though for work...

    Thanks for this post - Its all about accepting who we are - Which is why I posted a picture of me in UNDERWEAR not long ago, crazy considering I've gained so much weight but hey, I'm not gonna change anytime soon am I? :) xx

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  49. This post was amazing- thank you so much for writing it, I know it can't have been easy. It can be so hard to admit to our insecurities but just as hard to act like they're not there. I'm lucky in that I've never been bullied but I've seen so much of it and it honestly gives me an ache in my chest to see. I'm full of insecurities too and to have them noticed or pointed out by others must just be awful.

    You're a strong person to have come to accept that it's OK and an inspiration to the rest of us. You're gorgeous- we should all remember that we are! xxx

    Visit The Other Side Of Cool
    Tweet me! @othersideofcool

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  50. i absolutely love this post, i wish i could write something like this. you've made me realise that it's alright that i'm not perfect, i hate myself so much sometimes. I can't believe how horrible some people can be sometimes! x

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  51. Beautiful, beautiful post. Really happy I stumbled across this x

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  52. Wow fab post! I still can't bring myself to put a pic of myself on my blog or Twitter, I'm hoping that I will soon but like you said when it's going up on the net for so many ppl to see, you can't help analyse every part of your face and style. This is absolutely one of my favourite posts ever!! X

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