Food Baby


I seem to be suffering from food baby on a regular basis.
Maybe I should stop eating so much bad food?
And it probably doesn't help that I scoff my face with bad foods, to satisfy myself before I head to work so Mr Personal Trainer doesn't see just HOW much crap I eat!
Sometimes, when I do this.. I know that I LOOK LIKE an absolute fat kid, who has found a secret stash of the most amazing chocolate cake ever!
But I know that one of these days, that absolute fat kid, will be me, if I don't stop.

But for now,
I'll keep using my excuses to eat chocolate.
Surely every girl does right?

Love forever,
Kfedland x
My  weekend was mentaloriental.
In 3 words..?
Messy. Peculiar. Late.
It all began, when the 3 lovely ladies from Tignes came over:
Tia Maria – I won’t even say anymore.
Kwirsty – we like to call her the Mother Hen.. but, I think she’s the trouble maker out of everyone!
And Bad Ass – Says it all in the name really!
I was extremely excited, so of course I did my baking on the Friday, to impress!

Everything just seemed like a whirlwind as soon as they arrived..
“right i need to get my hair done somewhere before i go out”
“definitely need to find some false eyelashes
“will you fake tan me?”
“ooh, i must get some more nails.. which kind do you use?”
“do you have any makeup wipes i can use?”
To me.. this sounded like another language, and I felt like a complete lemon standing in the shop pretending I was doing exactly the same..but my mind was saying.
“maybe give your hair a brush just once?”
“ohhhh i have to wear heels tonight?”
Obviously, I am not your TYPICAL kinda girl.
I don’t brush my hair much.
I don’t really worry to much what i wear.
I don’t fake tan or do my nails.
And I certainly avoid makeup.

So, seeing these ladies glamming themselves up.. seemed a million miles away from what I remember of them in Tignes.
Ugg boots, hoodies, no fake tan.. no nails and only a s l i g h t bit of makeup.
I was definitely in England with these ladies!

Anyway, Tove and her friends came over.. and it got pretty messy, pretty quickly.
Quite literally too..
The bin ended up in the living room.
E v e r y s i n g l e g l a s s w a s i n u s e (I have 20 glasses.. and 8 girls over!)
And the bedroom was just unwalkable.
BUT as you do, alcohol takes over you.
And you think your capable of anything...

Yes Tia... Planking anywhere and everywhere, appeared to be the trend on Saturday night.
Ooh a bin. Ooh a telephone box. Ooh try me?
Yes the last one didn’t end to well.
5 girls piled high.. myself next.

It was finally time to head out, we needed fresh air.. and to continue our antics outside where we could trail our mess elsewhere.
Walking along the street.. with our new found friends..
The straw microphones!
Que laughter.
Even though you won't like to admit it. We've all done it. Tried it.
If you haven’t done’re totally missing out!

Also calling Katie Lou along the way.
Its quite funny actually.
We were those annoying people, who call you up at silly o clock, and talk for ages on the phone.
Actually more like shouting.
About goodness knows what.
And not giving them anytime to respond.
And the person on the other end thinking:
“when are these buggers, gonna shut up so I can go back to sleep?”
Well that was us.

Whilst all this was going on, we still hadn't managed to move our little feet into a bar.
But I can tell you this now...
My feet were ALREADY in agony.
Ended up in one bar (not even sure of the name), where we danced.. with randomer’s. AS YOU DO. Because obviously this is the coolest and funniest thing to do on a night out. Unbeknown to yourself, you actually look a fool!

Of course we didn't care..
Matt finally finished work and came and met us little drunken states, where we got a taxi to Batchwood (the only club we could get into because one of the slut's (no names.. TIA!) wasn't over 21! boo!)
I’d never been.
BUT Matt likes to describe it as:
you do realise,you’ll get stabbed there
I definitely didn’t get stabbed... because I'm still here.
Maybe because it was pretty empty aswell!
Add in the fact I sent many abusive texts to Tove, because she bailed early.. calling her many times a:
When in truth, it would probably have been me, any other day (maybe I was more jealous, that she got to go home, and I had to be a real 22 year old.. and party!)
So we partied on in there, with some more dancing.. killing our feet a little bit more, till we all
S l o w l y s t a r t e d w i l t i n g
Minus Kwirsty, who would have gone on for hours. Standard.
Decided on a taxi to the nearest kebab shop...
Found myself ordering:
Chips and cheese please. (normal)
And a corn on the cob (weird?!)
We took our food home, as the sun came up.
Which meant I managed till 4am!
Passed out in bed.

And woke up thinking:
why IS the bin in the living room?”
Needless to say, Sunday was no fun for me! While fighting off a hangover that appeared to get worse as the day went on, I also had to rearrange my kitchen, clean up everything FROM the kitchen AND put all my clothes back in the wardrobe.
ALL of them!
To make it worse.. it was the most beautiful day outside EVER.
And all I did was hide under my cat blanket, eat toast, and watch Gavin and Stacey.

And this my friends... is why I hardly go out drinking!

Song of the moment: I have chosen this song, because I recall, an urge to dance in my living room Saturday night before we headed out. Maybe it was to get used to my heels, try and remember how to dance to music in a club, because I was sloshed or just because I'm an absolute freak at times!
Enjoy! This is played in my garden, when I want to pretend I'm at a festival. Weird I know.

Love forever,
Kfedland x



I secretly wish I was at Glastonbury..
So that I can sing along to e v e r y s i n g l e s o n g.
And get soaked in the rain.
And wear wellies.
And have a reason to not wash.

I might just go and stand in my garden with the music blaring...
Strongbow in hand.
Flower's in my hair.
Shorts on, socks up, and wellies on.
And pretend i'm there.

Love forever,
Kfedland x

Baking Blogger


I am back! And with a lot to blogalog.

Surprisingly things have been pretty chaotic, so I grabbed my necessities and have plonked myself on this oh so wonderful sofa.. ready for my fingers to be aching by the end of this..!

And so, here I am, sitting in the flat.. with it looking like i've been here forever, yet still feeling like i'm just cooping up in a hotel! But as I always say, you always know when it's home.. when you've made your mark on the toilet (not literally, but then again, I guess, LITERALLY!).

Today, was a very special day. After nearly a year and a half... I decided it was time to get my hair cut.
OW! I was a little saddened, because it's a little shorter.
But it most certainly needed doing.
Although I did get told off for "cutting my hair myself!"

I have just finished baking cakes AGAIN for the THIRD time in TWO weeks...
I have problems.
And no life.
But I LOVE it!
Literally, all I talk about is my new cakes i've made..  Or i'm thinking about what kind I can make next time.
And basically I'm just so pleased with myself because,
I didn't burn them.
I didn't burn the flat.
They don't taste like shit.
They look amazing.
As you can see, they are DEFINITELY getting better and better I'll have opened a shop by the time my lovely best friend is home from her travels ( and obviously missing her little face evereverEVER so much!)

 I made this butterfly cake for little N as it's her birthday today.. and she absolutely LOVED it!
And also got a little more adventurous.. even buying FLAVOURING and COLOUR!
Ooh, what a life I live.

Definitely my BEST batch ever (which I have just finished decorating this fine evening!) And who better to taste them, than the lovely Frodo girls!
EEEEK, and so they're coming to me tomorrow and we're off out into the town for a real crazy night.
YES you heard right.
And drunk.
Epically drunk!

To be fair, last night I was a little sloshed.. The wonderful Tove begged me to go out and meet her friends, who were also so lovely!
Anyway, we started in Weatherspoons and I was asked:
"You wanna join us for a tequilla slammer?"
And me being me, replied:
"Oh god no, I will die"
BUT then,
after about a maximum of 40 seconds.. I thought.
I don't know what came over me!
I even asked "which order do you do it?"
Thats how RETARDED I am!
And lo and behold.. I was a little waaaasted!
Unfortunately Matt didn't get to sleep a wink, partly because of my 'snoring'.. but obviously women dont snore! I reckon it's all lies...?!

Enough of jibber jabber! And everything else.
To be honest, so much seems to have gone on in the past 3 weeks that I've been here (three weeks man, its totally crazy?!) yet I don't feel like I remember what has happened....?!
However, I had a super Father's Day on Sunday.. I had the pleasure of the whole family coming up to visit the flat, with endless mugs of coffee, plenty of cupcakes, and lots of excitement! We then headed to  visit exteneded relatives.. one's who I rarely see, but actually after today, I think it should be done more often!
After a little hesitation at the beginning and saying something like this..
"Oh Hey, lovely to see you too"
whilst actually thinking..
"Shit, I don't even know this person's name"
turned out to be a right family history lesson! I knew everything of everyone and blahblahblah.
Conversation's ranging from what we've been up to..
"I love THE Facebook, because I can see what you're up to"
to, when we last saw each other..
"Must have been at so and so, ooh about 9 years ago now"
and this beauty quote..
"Ooh, I remember when you were this big, 2 years old, and you were at a party, drinking everyone's wine"
FUNNILY enough.. this status is about ME!
Bizzarre I know.
But still very true!
And considering I don't drink on many occasions, I took this opportunity to have a few nice glasses of wine, knowing I wasn't drinking. I was in for a shock.
Firstly there wasn't any red.. so Auntie Susan and I, weren't overly amused. And being the Mama McFred that she is, went and asked.
Got it.
Tasted it.
Looked as bad as it tasted. But, we drank it anyway. And had a lovely afternoon. I even felt like welling up at the end, when saying goodbye! Maybe because they were all so lovely to me, offering me help if my car breaks down. I was even told, if my car broke down, whilst they're fixing it, I can have a hire car.
Hmm maybe i'll go make it break down.
Just so I can get a hire car.

So! I think this is all I can think of right now, and I'm actually enjoying a very real guilty pleasure of America's Got Talent lately.
Sad I know.
But oh so good!
Now I will leave you, with probably the most boring blog I have written lately, but hopefully more frequent!
And who knows, maybe the next blog's will be all about my cupcakes AGAIN!
I guess girls can only dream.. when I say it would be fantastic to have a little tea shop.. with little teacakes and what not!
Enough. Enough.
It's time for me to go hoover.

Song of the Moment: As I won't be attending any festivals this year, I was easily persuaded to buy a new CD today.. Clubbers Guide to Festivals! It's actually really good.. Well I say that, although I've only listened to the first THREE songs, which played in the car on the way home! So I chose this song, as it's the first one.. and also a good one to prance around the house too in the underwear. Note to self: make sure curtains are closed!

Love forever,
Kfedland x

Moving Day


Today is moving day.
And I still have so much to do!

Not sure when I'll next be up and running with the internet, but hopefully not to long, so I can keep Blogging!
Plus I start my new job, so I have a life like the rest of you!
Excited very much.

Ciao for now everyone. Be safe, Be strong.
I'll be back.!

Love forever,
Kfedland x
It happened again..
Dancing again like I think I'm someone important.
This time in the kitchen.
I was waiting for my toast.
And I started singing.
And then all of a sudden, before I knew it, I was dancing.
Second time today.

Now I mean, I can't seem to work out why this happens..? Sometimes I wonder if I realize i'm actually doing it! Funnily enough, I would love to be on stage. I certainly can't sing as good as Rachel Berry or dance as awesome as, well anyone from dance videos. But I just LOVE it.
It must have started back when I was a little girl (probably when I LOOKED like a little girl, but was actually about 11!) and I got the part as a rat (YES A RAT) in the 'Pied Piper of Hamlet'. Man I loved it!
The buzz on the stage, learning all the new choreography, and keeping in time with the tunes, learning lines and hoping your singing voice wouldn't change tune to everyone else!
Obviously this is some crazy dream, but how fantastic would it be to be part of a West End musical?!
I always said this when I watched the Lion King. Although, no chance of being part of their cast.
I'm white.
It's true.
I know I look a little Indian (leave the jokes out thanks!), but still wouldn't be enough!

I guess what i'm trying to say.. Is that a girl can only dream.
And, as for me.
I'll just have to stick to these outbursts of dance and song wherever it hits me!

Love forever,
Kfedland x
My best friend is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
Today, I took some photograph's of her.. which she LOVED! (this is my 'thank you' friend incase you're wondering!)
I'm actually just going to leave you to browse the photo's on my blog, because I have to wash my hair (CHORE)  for tonight...
I'm off out with the West Lodge ladies.. and this time it will NOT involve:
Shots. Nope.
Drunken behaviour. Certainly NOT!
Being put into a dustbin. Bleurgh.
And most importantly puking on the street.
I do not fancy being Pukahontas once more. Sorry again, ladies!
I have not eaten rice today, so all will be fine!
Was that too much information?

Enjoy the pictures!

To view all the photographs of today, Check out my Flickr page - Kfedland Flickr

Love forever,
Kfedland x
For about 40 seconds of my life, this morning, I thought I was famous!
I found myself dancing in my mirror.
In just my tights and bra.
Thinking I was in some kind of music video.
Looking back, I looked pathetically funny.
But i'm not helping myself.
I'm just getting weirder.

Good job I start my new job next week.

Love forever,
Kfedland x
So this is what I achieved in my day today...
I realised that underneath all that 'clutter' was an actual carpet. A CARPET!! 
That was also big enough for myself to hide in too!

Finally, I managed to box up LITERALLY all my life today. And although its done, I have nothing in my room to look at/touch or play with (not that I have toys anymore..?!)
It's slowly hitting me that I'm off.. to the real world, dealing with bills, council tax (Laura!!) and budget food shopping! I remember the day's when they seemed so far away, and the scariest thing to happen was finishing my GCSE's and worrying what to study for A Levels! How easy that would all be, to still be back then.
But, THEN, I wouldn't be packing up ready for this exciting adventure that is in store for me...!
Seeing my boyfriend e v e r y s i n g l e d a y!   (I love you really!)
Washing the dishes.. and not making excuses!
Cleaning the toilet (In fairness, I do enjoy this!)
So maybe, we'll leave the last one out of that!

Today, my beautiful friend Laura came over, and I've only just realised how much she thanks you for literally EVERYTHING you do! As she was leaving my house, it went something like this:
"Thank you for letting me come over"
"Thank you for my book and card"
"Thanks for making me a cup of tea"
"Thank you for having me at yours"
"Thank you for letting me sit on your bed"
"Thank you for being my friend"
And my responses would have been something like this...
"Of course you're allowed over. I'm not a vampire"
"It's called a gift"
"It's often polite to offer drinks to guests"
"Not a problem, saved me walking to yours anyway...!"
"To be honest, there was nowhere else to sit!"
Ok, so the last two she didn't say.. but it wouldn't SURPRISE me,if they had come out of her mouth!
However, I love this lady to bits.. and her oh so kind words, and her constant thank you's are truly wonderful :-) BUT on occasion's.. she has this tendency to act like a child when she can't understand something!
Take Blogger for example, helping her set one up.. telling her about it ALL, and at the end of about an hour tutorial she says.. "I just don't get it one bit. I don't want to do it anymore".
Reminds me of the time we baked cakes... I don't even suggest baking again!
But obviously, I love her millions.. and you should check out her Blog too - Life As I Know It..

Mama Mcfred was losing it a little today!

Bless her.
First we got a new washing machine, and in she bounces from work.. all:
"Ooh, well would you look at it"
"Pass me something to wash"
And honestly, I've never seen someone so excited (Ok I have. But you get me.) It then made me think to myself.. Is this going to be ME in a few months when I get a new Kettle or fridge?!
I bet so.
I'm easily amused!
So, after this little excitement had calmed down, we headed into town to spend MORE money on MORE things for the house.. "Oh but I neeeeeeeed this nice handwash for the bathroom..!" (I'm sure it WASN'T important, I just buy because I can!). We ended up in Sainsburys, and brought a new tray (fancy!), and at the till Mama Mcfred was searching and searching for her car keys!
In that absolutely HUGE bag of her's.
I swear, Mary Poppins would have a run for her money if she saw this one!
But anyway, no luck with the keys. So we walked back to where we picked up the tray (again, delightful). and lo and behold, or in the words of Little Grandad, would you Adam and Eve it!:
There they were.
On the floor.
Just chilling there.
Without a care in the world.
Obviously key's cant move.. but I bet if they could, they would.
If I was a key, i'd well do a runner!
I then decided, that this day forward.. she has started to lose it slightly. And she must only purchase handbag's where she can locate everything from in under 10 seconds!

And so today, my blog has been about other people.. which has been NICE! As always too, a lotta love for everyone out there. From my lovely ladies back at home, to my family all over the place (enjoy Japan bro!), and the beautiful Escale girls, and of course, the Frodo ladies to! And also that wonderful boyfriend of mine, who get's to see me every single day as of Saturday..!
And everyone else too!
And now i'm done!

I am now off to try and occupy myself. It will either involve one or two of the following.
Facebook (I tell myself I need to make the most of it when I'm internetless)
Eating. I'm sure I'll eat the new washing machine if I want to.
Colouring. I find bit's of paper.. and will colour it in.
Youtube. Pretty much anything I can find fairly amusing.
Replay Gossip Girl. Or Californication. Or Hellcats. Or Glee.
But to be honest, I will probably lie on my bed, and stare at the floor as I seem to find myself doing lately!

Song of the moment: I'll leave you with a song by Laura Marling, that I always love to listen to come rain or shine. Absolutely beautiful lyrics and an amazing voice to!

Love forever,
Kfedland x
Possibly the messiest AND ugliest breakfast ever.

But yet, oh so good!

Love forever,
Kfedland x

Box After Box


My room, currently looks a cross between a Jumble Sale, and a Burglary.

I have spent the past 463846834 hours (Ok, so I make it approximately with 7 hours), packing, and it still appears to be the same as BEFORE I started! Potentially, a little messier!

Throw into those 7 hours:
Endless cups of tea,
Playlist on repeat 3times!
Short breaks which occurred every 20 minutes.
And a curry to end the day!
AND I still cant say I have successfully packed up everything.

I cannot believe how much stuff I have, I genuinely thought I had about 3 boxes full.. yeah add another 10 to this.. and this is how much I have (I haven't even begun to include the bin bags/paper bags and suitcases).

Tonight, however.. has been a hilarious chat of distant memories, that seem so far away, and yet, one's that will never be forgotten.
It then filtered right back, to the days of Myspace..
Now, I for one, was definitely a Myspace ADDICT!
How different everything is now.. And oh so funny to laugh at how ridiculous everything was back then.
"I'll keep this photo up.. because it already has 45 comments"
"Best change my friends round.. make it a top 12"
"Ooh a quiz on the bulletins. CLICK"
My favourite being...
"It's been two days, I need to change my profile"

Maybe, it was the days of being so young and naive, or the fact it generally was cooler back then... but honestly, Myspace was an incredible thing. Although, I think, people judged you a lot more back then based on looks and first impressions. Whereas nowadays, you're just respected for who you are.
I don't even know why i'm talking about Myspace.
Maybe because i've definitely had a Bulmers.
We know what this does to me.
And i've had to resort to sleeping in the spare room, because my room is beyond walking ability.
Am I drunk?
Honestly, for once. I'm NOT.

Anyway, update on the other stuff.. getting the keys on Saturday which excites me a lot.
A lot.
I am finally a grown up.
And also, just literally waiting for the landlord's authority.. and if the ever so nice man says yes, then we can get a kitten.
A little grey one.
Which makes me incredibly happy.
We already have a name in mind..  Obviously relating to Californication. How could we NOT?!
So definitely have my fingers,
and toes,
and eyes,
and knees CROSSED!

Song of the moment: This has been repeated on my Ipodge for majority of the day, in the hope to get me packing.. but in REALITY, I've actually been distracted to just dance to this. Oops.

Love forever,
Kfedland x

Windy Wendy


Today, I got blown away...

I felt just like Mary Poppins..!
If only I was.

Love forever,
Kfedland x



I just managed to follow myself on my blogspot.
I think I've become even weirder than I thought possible.

Love forever,
Kfedland x
With a weekend like this.. St Albans won't be a disappointment!

Apologies for the lack of blogging this weekend.. things have been somewhat.. MENTAL!
Indeed crazy.
Fun too.
And finally a plan in action!

Matt and myself have spent ALL of today, watching Californication, literally watched all of season 4. We have two more episodes to watch.. but it's currently on hold, while he brings home the bacon.
Therefore, I am extremely tempted, to click that ONE button, and let my eyes glare at the screen.. as yet another series comes to an end.
But I don't think I can face crying again.
Because I have nothing left to watch after.

Today's food diary is just a starter into how crazy the weekend has been..
Breakfast consisting of - leftover 4 tiered cake, may I add, FOUR chocolate helpings.. MMMM.
Lunch - A nice healthy McDonalds.. always with one sweet and sour, one curry and one BBQ sauce happily chilling on the side.
And for my tea, I can already see the bag of candyking looking at me lovingly!

Sometimes in life, we can have days like these.
But also, for myself.. this is becoming WAY to much of a common thing!
I will eat better when I am moved in.
I will TRY and eat better when I am moved in.
Oh bugger.. I'll give it a week tops!

On Saturday, we enjoyed celebrating Matt's brother's, Adam, 21st Birthday!
I don't really know how to kinda tell Adam this, but I think he thinks of himself as some sort of celebrity.. rocking up late for a family meal, and then leaving before it had finished. I won't even go ON to mention about the fact he put his SNAKE right NEXT to me.. (a REAL snake, may I add.. this is NOT another word for something!)
Seriously.. I'm lucky I didn't basically crap myself!
I don't lie!
But in all honesty, it was a lovely evening.. even if Matt's family are a little loopy.. All the more fun I guess..

Best quote of the night from Mrs Hounslow..
"15 eggs"
"15 eggs. you used 15 eggs."
"15 eggs!"
"15 eggs!!!"
"15 eggs. Seriously.. FIFTEEEN EGGS?!"
"15 eggs. 15 eggs. 15 eggs. FIFTEEEEEEEEN eggs??!!!!!!!"
A real classic!
AND we even managed to stay up till 1am..Who would have thought it on a day like that!

Friday night was also a lovely night indeed, meeting up with Mr Olly Hart and also his ever so beautiful girlfriend! Like real adults, we met up in the middle of our two towns, and wined and dined! It was wonderful indeed.
And 20 questions on the way home, never fails to amuse me. I did however, leave the bumble bee out of the game, and opted for the owl..
"It does have legs.. but no knees"

And of course, this sent Matt on a crazy one.. "there are NO animals with legs but no knees! You're so stupid at this game, you need to get your facts right".
I don't think we'll be playing that for a while!

To sum up the rest of the weekend,
I got offered ANOTHER job, the one I wanted.. so I am as pleased as a cat who got the cream!
Funnily enough, as stated by Matt's friend.. I got offered it, whilst on the toilet again.. How bizarre is this becoming.
Maybe I should just relocate somewhere to a big bathroom?
Love it.
We also finalised the flat plans and paperwork.. And here's hoping the place is ours as of Saturday!
Have really grown up today, setting up new joint accounts.. now THAT was a real step! No wonder I've hidden under the duvet all afternoon!
Yesterday, brought us some tractors along the road of Hatfield.. and in the words of Greg.."this doesn't happen on Hatfield Road".
Guess St Albans has a lot more to it, than meets the eye!!

Tomorrow, brings me heading home.. to do the one thing I love to hate..
Promised myself I would NEVER do this again in all my life..
And a month later.. I'm back to what I know best!
I guess throwing it all in to my car, can count this time, because I'm not moving to another country!

Song of the moment: Chosen song for today's blog.. Is a truly awesome song, that actually is played at the ending of Californication episode 4, season 4! When it sees Hank finding Karen with another guy. Gutting. I automaticcaly loved it as it played, and got straight onto google (as you do). You should listen, the words are incredible. I'm actually about to get the album on itunes right about now..! Check it

Love forever,
Kfedland x

I love my Little Grandad.

He is an incredible person. A true star (if a bit impatient too!)
That is all.
Love forever,
Kfedland x

Today I managed to secure two job offers AND a flat!
But the funniest part... Whilst deciding that waiting around for these calls were never going to come.. I quickly used this opportunity to head to the bathroom.
I did however take my phone with me.
And lo and behold (or as my Little Grandad loves to say "would you Adam and Eve it!" CLASSIC!), the phone rings.
First the estate agents, the flat is OFFICIALLY OURS! And no-one else can try and get it.
Exciting times.
Then after doing a quick dance (still located on the toilet), the phone frigging rings again.
"Hi we'd like to offer you the job"
"Oh ok, can I discuss this with my partner and get back to you?"
More like.. let me just wipe my ass and then I will take your offer up!
Only myself could do this!

So Matthew is off to sign the papers today.. He's as excited as a little boy at Christmas!
I, myself am to very excited. And tonight will consist of packing (I told myself never again!!).
And dear old Mama Mcfred the LEGEND that is, she called me downstairs, and had two HUGE boxes full of basic foods and cleaning products.

Yes even the marigolds.
Considering my first words in the flat were..
"I cannot WAIT to get cleaning in here".
You can tell I worked for Esprit!

So things are really on the go.. And hopefully by next weekend, I will be Viva La St Albans!

Love forever,
Kfedland x

Cruel World


I just sat and watched tonight's Panorama..
I have never been so SHOCKED in ALL my life.
It actually left me in tears.

Basically, tonight's episode was based in one care home in Bristol, with a guy called Joe, going undercover showing the abuse in there.
I genuinely do not know how people can do things like that to other people.
The poor guy Joe, even ended up in tears on his video diary.. and I actually praise this guy, for being able to even go into this place, and have to let it all happen, with no power to control it, and in the hope of getting these awful bullies out of their jobs!
One support worker, named Wayne, makes me physically sick. I don't think it helps that I know 'of' him through people. Considering I have been in the same bar as this guy, makes me mad. He was meant to be looking after these people, and making sure they were well looked after and cared for.. and instead made their lives a living hell.
One young adult, Simone, often shouts back to Wayne calling him a "bastard" and a "fucking prick".
And I personally couldn't agree more.
Simone is not stupid. Wayne is a sick bastard.
These poor vulnerable young adults, know no different, and some cannot speak up. The way they were treated, shocked me, and amazed me. I didn't know that such abuse could happen in just ONE care home. Whilst watching, I wanted to grab my keys and head to this 'dump' and take every one of those innocent victims back home with me.

The part that really sent tears streaming down my face, were two of the young adults.. Simone and Simon. These two seemed to be the biggest victims in the episode, suffering from verbal bullying, physical abuse, mental abuse, torture, pain and constant negativity. Whenever they retaliated, it was only due to the fact the SUPPORT WORKERS had STARTED the fighting. Disgusting.
I mean, seriously, how can people throw water over someone..
THREE times in ONE day?
Slap them and find it hilarious?
Pin them down UNDER a chair.
And let others abuse them, while they look as though its some kind of joke?

I ended the programme in tears, especially when Simon finally managed to move back home, and his mother asked him what he thought of the care home. Simon replied "its horrible. no going back to Winterborne". And his face said it all, the way his mouth drooped so low. You could tell, that behind those eyes and facial expression.. lived too many nightmares that will forever play in his mind, that he cannot erase.
A saddening thought, for a young man, with a mind of a child.. causing no harm to this world.. and this is how he'll remember his life. Because of a select number of support workers, who cannot even do their jobs. Should not even be allowed jobs!
There are some cruel people in this world.
And just thinking about these poor victims to, those years of being in that care home that they'll never get back.
The trust they will never give from anyone else.
The constant nightmares, and visions.
And the emotional abuse they will have to live with for the rest of their lives.
I just hope that now, they manage to try and make the most of what they have left.. and be treated like Prince's and Princesses.. because by god do they deserve it.
And those sick BASTARDS, should endure the suffering they made others suffer!

Love forever,
Kfedland x

To view 'Panorama - Undercover Care Abuse'.
Go to BBC IPlayer.
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